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Dear Dr. Vargas,

My superheroine girlfriend is pregnant for the first time. [Amazing photo attached to original letter; too bad you all can't see it.] It wasn't easy to nail her, I'll tell you. I finally had to use [superheroine secret weakness, which cannot be revealed without disclosing her identity]. From then on, she was a real sex kitten, just couldn't get enough. At first, she begged me not to get her pregnant, but when I made it clear that was the only way she could keep getting fucked, there was nothing she could do but count the days util her missed period. For the last month or so she has been getting all the usual cravings (pickles by the barrel and pistachio-prune ice cream by the gallon) and is happily knitting little pink booties -- TWO SETS!

Last week all her superheroine girlfriends and even a few vilainesses got together for a baby shower. I was surprised how many had already started families or were WELL on the way. Apparently my girlfriend was one of the last of these virginal beauties to succumb. The rest were exchanging ribald stories about how to use their superpowers or criminal schemes to get laid, comparing tummies, and teasing the few holdouts about what they were missing.

I'm overjoyed, of course, seeing this magnificent woman waddle around the house with that big smooth tummy filled to bursting, her tits ballooned up to 38EEE's at least, and a dumb, adoring expression on her face when she looks at me. As expected, the pregnancy has made her nicely docile and even hornier. She has me doing her doggie style most of the time, "practicing" for when she REALLY gets big. I've bought her a heavy-duty vibrator to use in between times. When she gets it going, it draws more power than the A/C on a hot August day and blows the fuses right and left, but that's better than her going crazy or fucking me to death.

The only problem is, she is asking how soon after she gives birth she can go back to fighting crime? Dr Luthor, her OB-GYN, just smirks evilly and tells her to ask me.

John Perplexed

Dear John,

First, congratulation for nailing one of those superheroines. I don't think those bitches realize how much frustration they cause fourteen-year old boys of all ages, flying around in those skimpy outfits, fighting, and getting tied up and chloroformed. Millions of "fans" will thank you for taking another one out of circulation in the best possible way: a timely delivery of male semen into her super-fertile twat!

Second, I'm so glad you posed this question. It's one that I've been getting more and more frequently in recent years as a number of superheroines (and villainesses) from the early comic book days are starting to hear the tick tock of the old biological clock. I'm not detracting from your cleverness in knocking up your new gf, but her body was obviously telling her it was time to slow down and become a Mommy.

Normally it's easier for villainesses to combine a career in crime with rearing a family, as they have henchwenches to carry out their evil schemes. (Apparently, though you just can't GOOD help nowadays, you can still get EVIL help.) I know of one whose name, very appropriately, rhymes with "Fatwoman," who seduced and moved in with an erstwhile hero whom she keeps busy eating and feeding her hungry puss. Now she lives in semi retirement, popping out one or two pointy eared babies every year for her devotedly overworked love-slave to take care of while she manages her crime empire from his cave beneath the stately Wayne Mansion. Superheroines, on the other hand, have to do all the crime fighting, plot thwarting, fiendish conspiracy foiling, and world saving, themselves.

Another consideration is how long it will take her to regain her figure. You girlfriend seems typical of superheroines who, having remained impossibly slim for years, take advantage of 'eating for two' really to pig out. (Pistachio-prune ice cream? Dios Mio!) If you can get her to put on 50-60 pounds, that would take quite a while to work off, especially if you insist she stay in bed, eat well, drink beer and wine "for her milk" and get lots of sleep while nursing her liter. Eating a tipsy superheroine to several nice orgasms before finishing her off with a pussy full of cum, will help keep her snoozing away happily.

Further, you need to bear in mind just WHAT is growing in there. Although villainesses tend to have "happy accidents" with hunky henchmen or occasionally with a lucky superhero and therefore to have human or humanoid babies, superheroines, in my experience are likely to turn up impregnated by the darndest assortment of trans-genetic plantamals, extra-terrestrials, or mutant life forms. No telling how many little mouths or suckers she'll have to feed even if there are only one or two offspring.

Also, whereas villainesses usually have only one kitten or sprout at a time, your typical superheroine is so fertile, she winds up pregnant with two, three or four every time she lets a male penis (or proboscis or tentacle) into her treasure box to pump her full of his semen (or seed or ichor). From the looks of your girlfriend at just four months, I think you should consider yourself lucky; this one (Wonder why the Woman seems so familiar?) looks like she could be carrying quints.

In addition to the number and species of the babies your lover is going to pop, weight gain, and her ability to delegate her crime-fighting or crime-committing tasks to others, a superheroine or villainess also has to take into account how long she intends to nurse her brood. I would naturally like to have a face to face (or, better, a mouth to nipple) interview with your girlfriend before advising, but again, judging from the mammaries on your SO, I'd say she's likely to be making milk by the quart for a couple of years. Have you considered a home dairy business as a sideline?

Perhaps a cautionary note is in order as well. Although her semi-super offspring will no doubt be able to handle the flow, YOU had better be careful getting frisky while she's breastfeeding; some superheroines have been know to "leak" with the force of a firehose. At the least you may want to consider waterproof sheets and goggles before you get on the business end of one of those jobbies. You may also have to modify her costume to allow for a pull-down nursing top. Of course around the house she can just go topless, but you will want to take her out in public frequently to show her off nursing, especially in a few years when there are several older ones in tow and another one in the cooker.

Finally, and most important, how soon after this first blessed event do you expect to have her 'in a family way' again (or for the first time if someone --how long has she been seeing this Dr. Luthor? -- or someTHING slipped one in ahead of you)? Here let me offer some advice: ASAP. If those superpowers are worth anything, her pussy should have snapped back into shape and be ready to fuck by the time you bring her back from the hospital. Give her a sperm-filled welcome home that ensures she doesn't have another period. Your girlfriend looks sexy enough for at least twenty or thirty years of regular baby making, so go for it!

I know that these superheroine types often harbor desires to continue their careers whereas you, as a normal, healthy male, would like to keep her barefoot, pregnant, and chained to the stove. I suggest you compromise. Keep her pregnant and chained to the stove alright, but jolly her along by letting her continue to wear her sexy, if increasingly over-stretched, costume with those kinky high heels. (Don't you love the way that Lycra stretches over her plumped-up form?)

In my experience, after the first six or eight babies, even superheroines get too busy taking them to nursery school, check-ups at the pediatrician, morning kindergarten, soccer practice, and ballet lessons while cooking, cleaning house, and keeping you fucked silly, to THINK about crime fighting. There is a danger, however, that being so busy with child care may put a dent in even her super-powered libido, as happens unfortunately with mortal women. For these cases you should resort to your supply of Kryptonite, or the magic lasso, or whatever her secret weakness is, to reassert your right to preg her again if she gets ideas.

I hope this helps, John.


Dr. Homer Vargas


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