Becky was pleased with the new gymnasium. Being the girls' Phys.Ed. teacher and coach as well as being on the school board, she'd had a great deal of input on the design of the new building. Having just had a quick workout on the new equipment in the exercise room, she was now organizing her new office, adjacent to the girls' locker room. She had to make sure everything was in place for opening day tomorrow. "I'm so anal" she thought.
Her husband should be arriving any minute, and she'd give him a quick tour of the facility before they walked hand in hand out to the parking lot. It was starting to get dark, and she didn't want to walk past that construction crew by herself.
"I wish that BITCH gym teacher would come walking by about now. I'd shove this thing right up her ass!" It was Cliffs turn on the jackhammer. Because of this last minute change in the blueprints, his company was working on Labor Day to tear up 15 yards of concrete that they had poured in what was now obviously the wrong place. And because of a noise ordinance, they could only run the hammer until 8:45, so they were busting ass to bust the cement up, and throw the pieces into the truck.
"I want my door to be over HERE, closer to my office" Cliff mocked, imitating Becky's voice, to the delight of his two member crew.
Cliff and Chris (actually Christopher, nicknamed "Balls") took turns on the jackhammer while Chris (actually Christine, nicknamed "No Balls") carried the chunks to a wheelbarrow and rolled them out to the truck. She was the largest member of the crew, 5'10" and 185 lbs. Just a bit taller than Balls or Cliff. Still, as a matter of chivalry, they tried to give her the easiest jobs, and operating the big jackhammer was no picnic. "Don't want your tits to shrivel up like one of them female body builders, do ya?" They'd say.
Cliff had hired her as a token minority just so they could get government contracts like this one. In this sleepy little town, his was the only construction company to employ a female and a black (even if they were the same person).
But he soon came to realize that Christine could pull her own weight. And once he got over being prejudice, he realized that she wasn't too hard on the eyes, either. He and Balls had come to treat her just like one of the guys. They all liked beer. They all liked Rock & Roll, and one more thing they had in common, they all lusted after white women!
Darkness was falling as they removed the last of the concrete. Cliff began winding up the extension cord that had brought power to the air compressor from an outlet just inside the girls' locker room door. When he opened the door to unplug it, he froze, shocked by what he saw. He motioned to his crew to come over, and also made a silent "Shhh" gesture.
As they stood in the doorway they saw, from a distance of about 20', the bitch gym teacher who had caused them so much grief. She was naked, lying on a bench between a row of lockers. Her feet were flat on the floor on each side of the bench, her legs spread just wide enough to see the glistening pinkness of her wet pussy slit. Her head was hanging over the end of the bench, and a man, also naked, was fucking deeply in and out of her face. Though his dick was hidden from view, it was obviously quite large judging by the bulge which traversed her neck with every full lunge.
Her chest heaved as she struggled on the bench, trying to pull away from the implement. Her big tits flopped around wildly, and faint wheezing sounds could be heard as she managed to suck in eeks of air through her nose or around the sides of his pumping shaft on the out stroke.
Curiously, her arms did not participate in this struggle for survival. They led underneath the bench, apparently secured there somehow, out of sight and out of the way.
Still her writhing was intense. Just when it looked as though she might manage to flop off the bench, the man slapped his hands down on her tits, pressed her down firmly, and shoved forward with all his might. Overpowered and overwhelmed, she suddenly quit moving. She felt him stiffen, his fingers digging painfully into her breasts. She gave up on the idea of breathing, and instead prepared herself to swallow.
The transfer of semen began. She could almost hear the churning in his nuts, pressed firmly into her forehead. She felt the pulsations pass her lips, felt the head of his weapon swell, and then felt goo begin to puddle in her esophagus. Swallow she thought. Swallow quickly so I'll be able to BREATHE as soon as he pulls out.
He was beginning to pull back as his spurts grew weaker. Her lips were no longer mashed into his pubic hair. Her convulsing throat tube shrank back to normal size as the head retreated back into her mouth. Another spurt coated her tongue, and then he pulled past her lips, smearing the final few drops of white stuff onto her lips as though it were chapstick.
As he sat back on his heels and then lay down on his back, he heard her suck in a huge breath, cough it back out, and then suck in another. He looked up at her cum- stained face. Her mouth was still wide open, her eyes were closed, and her blonde hair hung to the floor, a sharp contrast to her thick black bush. When she inhaled, her tits came into view, and on the exhale they dropped below his vantage.
FROM THE OTHER END of the row of lockers, the silent voyeurs stared, stunned. None of them had thought to intervene in this matter, for they had all enjoyed the spectacle of this woman's plight. Especially Cliff. For this was the very woman who had caused him grief throughout every stage of this construction project. She had hated him from the day the contract was awarded. Her husband had put in a bid for the same job. A cheaper bid in fact. But his company employed no minorities so the contract had gone to Cliff by default.
And now here she was. Tied to a locker room bench naked. Savagely raped in the mouth. And about to have her humiliation quadrupled when she realized that there were witnesses to her debasement.
She had raised her pelvis to relieve the strain on her backward bent neck. Now her buttocks lowered slowly back onto the bench as her breathing returned to normal. She slid a few inches toward the foot of the bench so that her head could rest on the wood. She worked her jaw from side to side, opened and closed her mouth a few times just to make sure it still functioned. Then she spoke. "Was it really necessary for you to ram it ALL THE WAY IN?" She asked quietly, staring up at the ceiling.
"You said you wanted it to be just like a real rape" the man replied.
"Maybe we can help" said Cliff, flicking on the light switch. The naked couple both looked to the doorway, startled. "Chris, go help the man up. As a matter of fact, help him up onto that chair." Both Chris's hurried to the side of the naked man grabbing him roughly and standing him on a folding chair nearby. He tried to struggle, but they managed to force his hands behind his back, securing them with electrical tape.
Becky was screaming at them to leave him alone, until Cliff walked over and muffled her screams with a duct tape gag. Then he cut his own extension cord in half, forming one end into a strange looking orange noose. He tossed it over a sprinkler system pipe, fitted the noose around the naked mans head, and tied it off securely with only an inch or two of slack.
"Now if you give us any trouble at all, I might need to borrow your chair, comprendo?"
The man nodded, and "no balls" Chris ran some more tape around his wrists, and then similarly secured his ankles. Cliff tore off a couple more pieced of duct tape to for a gag for the man.
"The chair works, but I got a better idea" said Balls, as he headed down a hallway.
No Balls began to strip, but Cliff just dropped his toolbelt and his pants.
Then they turned their attention to Becky. "You lick me, we get along fine. You don't lick me, you don't get to breath. You bite me, I might need to sit down, and your hubby there loses his chair privileges." With that, No Balls sat on Becky's face. Heavily.
Becky's world went dark. Both because the zoftig black woman's buttocks completely covered her face, but also from lack of oxygen. Her air supply was once again interrupted, this time even more completely, by female genitalia. Her nose was pinched between the gelatinous black buttocks, and her wide open mouth was completely covered by a big wet pussy.
Remembering the black woman's instructions, Becky stuck out her tongue. Immediately, the smothering crotch began to slide back and forth, releasing her nostrils and allowing for small gasps of air to move in and out of Becky's mouth once in a while.
In the meantime, Cliff was twisting the white nipples, sucking on the black ones, and trying to align his throbbing hard-on with Becky's furry slit. No Balls helped by pulling Becky's leg's all the way up until her feet were touching her wide black shoulders, and then pushing them to the sides.
That was all Cliff needed, and he ran his cock all the way in with one thrust.
Becky started to struggle, but stopped immediately as Chris put all her weight on Becky's face for a few moments while Cliff began to ram in and out.
Both rapists worked rapidly toward orgasm, each stimulated by the sight of the others' actions. When they realized they were going to cum at the same time, they leaned toward each other and kissed deeply.
Becky's cunt was pumped full of man-juice at the same time she was eagerly lapping, sucking and swallowing copious amounts of pussy-juice. She wanted to come too; she just didn't want her husband to know. Thank god the pussy muffled her groans of pleasure. She had been close, but now as the rapists dismounted her, her arousal turned to shame.
About this time, Balls came trotting back into the locker room, carrying a small, portable stair climber and a brand new wooden baseball bat. "I got this from the exercise room, and this from the sports equipment room" he said, cutting the tape around the naked man's ankles. He set the step machine down in front of the folding chair.
The pedals, at their peak, were almost as high as the chair. But when weight was applied, they would slowly sink to the floor. Both "steps" operated independently. Right now, they were both up, each held in place by a shock absorber-like device. But if you stood on both pedals at once, you would slowly sink to the floor.
"Great bit of engineering!" Cliff said as he stuffed his satisfied cock back into his pants. Balls and No Balls lifted the naked man by the armpits while Cliff replaced the chair with the stepper. When released, the man quickly got the idea. He began an endless climb for survival. Cliff sat in the chair and lit a cigar. He began to work on the other half of the extension cord, the one he had cut in two to make the noose. This piece he stripped off the insulation from the cut end with his razor knife.
Balls took the baseball bat and walked over to Becky's bench. Throwing his tool belt aside, he dropped his pants. Becky looked at the bat. "Are you going to hurt me?" She asked weakly.
"Yes Ma'am! First I'm gonna fuck you up the ass with this" he said, grabbing his nearly erect cock. "Then I'm gonna fuck you up the ass with this!" He swung the bat down, hitting the bench with a loud THWACK! Right between her thighs.
"But first, I wanna know why your nipples aren't erect. Aren't you excited by my cock?"
"Just undo my hands, and I'll pinch them for you. They get really hard. The handcuff key is in my husbands pants pocket, in that locker on the end."
"Pinch them, eh? That sounds like a great idea!" Balls walked toward the locker but stopped instead at his toolbelt. From it, he retrieved his favorite pair of pliers. He pinched those nips, all right. And they did get hard. And Becky began screaming her head off. "Can someone please shut her up?"
No Balls, still naked, again squatted on Becky's face. This time facing away from her. This way, she could watch the woman's husband exercise, and off to the side she saw Cliff working on his extension cord. "Why was he crimping alligator clips to the bare wire ends?" She thought. But then she was distracted as Balls tucked Becky's legs under her armpits. The scream was muffled as Balls rammed his cock up her ass, and began fucking in and out in earnest.
While he fucked, he went from playing with Becky's big tits to Christine's big ass cheeks. This extra attention propelled the black woman to another climax, and watching Christine fuck the helpless white woman's face brought him to his orgasm sooner than he would have liked. He rammed his cock deep, and unloaded his balls deep into her bowels.
For the second time today, Becky had caused but not shared in a simultaneous orgasm.
Balls pulled up his pants as No Balls dismounted from Becky's face. "My friends call me "Balls", but you can call me 'Bat-man'" he said to her. "So tell me, gym teacher, you plan on having kid's someday?"
"Yes" Becky replied. "I'm Catholic. I want to have a big family."
"Well then, I'll make you a deal. I was gonna ram this thing up your snatch to get it all juicy before I rammed it up your ass, but that might fuck up your reproductive plumbing. So I'm willing to skip that if you want to. Of course, that'll just make it go in harder, but I'll do you another favor, and loosen it up with the small end first.
"All you gotta do in exchange for me being so nice to you is be nice to No Balls there again. This time I want you to lick her asshole for her OK? And if you don't do a good job, the deals off. I swear I'll ram this bat right up your snatch and pound it in with a hammer!"
"What do you think of this deal, No Balls?"
"I think it's been a real long time since I felt a white girls tongue lappin' at my butt-hole!" She spread her cheeks and lowered her anus onto Becky's face. Again she took the liberty of tucking Becky's long legs under her armpits, and watched intently as Balls pressed the bat handle against her anus.
Then he shoved hard, and Becky pulled her head back and screamed. It hadn't gone in! But still it hurt like hell.
"Shut up! Now listen. You gotta help. Now on the count of three, you push out with your bowels, and I'll push in as hard as I can. And by the way, aren't you supposed to be licking ass?" Becky pressed her tongue against the black girl's asshole again, but knew she would not be able to help him get the bat in. Especially with him pushing as hard as he could. If it did get past her sphincter, it might go in two feet before it stopped! Instead of pushing out, when she heard him count "3" she clenched all her muscles tight, and again escaped the cruel impalement.
"BITCH!" He hissed at her. Holding the knob of the bat handle against her ass, he began beating the big end with a hammer. No balls had shifted so that the blonde was again tonguing her slit, and she applied enough weight to sufficiently muffle the gasps that came with each hammer blow. A fraction of an inch at a time, the bat forced her anus inward until finally it lost its grip, sliding over the knob and up on the neck of the bat.
Tossing aside the hammer, Balls stroked the bat in and out. Now that the knob was past her sphincter, it moved back and forth easily. And as it churned around the semen he had recently deposited in her bowels, the bat became lubricated and the motion became painless to Becky.
Cliff, now finished with the wiring, came up behind No Balls and spread her ass cheeks. "How about I give you a little taste of what he's giving her. Lean forward." She did, and felt Cliff's hard cock press into her spit slick anus. She sighed, burying her face in Becky's muff. Cliff's balls banged into Becky's forehead as he buried his cock to the hilt in Christine's rectum.
The girls continued to 69 while the guys did their level best to tear apart some ass. Suddenly, Finally, Becky came. As she did, her ass convulsively spasmed, tightly gripping the bat. Balls yanked it completely out, HARD. This action hurt badly, but really set her off. She licked and sucked; writhed and spasmed under the big black woman, once again setting off an orgasmic chain of events. Her actions caused Christine to cum and cum hard. Cliff felt the spasms rock her bowels, and his cock couldn't take the pressure. He came, hosing a huge load into her milking butt-hole.
Cliff pulled his pecker out, but before Christine's anus could seal itself shut, a big glob of semen leaked out, falling onto the bridge of Becky's nose. From there, it divided, about half running into each eye.
"GET IT OUT OF MY EYES! IT BURNS!"
Cliff whispered something in Christine's ear. Both were standing now, but both were still directly over Becky's head. And suddenly, they were both pissing on the white woman's face. Becky started to scream, but instantly re-thought and rejected that idea. Cliff, with his superior aim, actually did manage to rinse the semen out of her eyes.
Christopher meanwhile had retrieved the handcuff key from the locker, along with the man's wallet. "$300 bucks." He counted, handing a third to each partner. "That should about cover our overtime tonight."
"I still wanna ram the big end of that bat up her ass before we go. She liked the small end too much." In a minute, Becky found herself face down on the bench, a tool belt around her waist holding her belly tight to the board. Duct tape held her panties in her mouth. Then she felt the bat, the big end, against her anus. He pushed; she clenched. He pushed harder; she clenched harder. He pushed with all his might; she clenched with all her might. He hammered; she groaned. It hurt, but both rapist and victim were beginning to realize that it was simply too big.
"GODDAMMIT!" He cursed, throwing the bat down in disgust. She sighed with relief. Finally, she had won one round, or so she thought 'till Cliff spoke up.
"It's an engineering problem. Run out to the truck, get the grease gun, the jackhammer, the air compressor, and a circular saw."
While Balls ran the errand, No Balls decided to check on Mr. Woods. He was sweaty and breathing a little hard, but not in bad shape. She knelt before him. "This is what a girl can do with her mouth when you don't make her gag on it." She inhaled his flaccid penis and began to work. It hardened in her mouth and she fingered his nuts for a moment before moving her hands to her own breasts and fondling them. She looked up at him, sliding her big soft lips steadily back and forth on his boner. Soon, he came; and she swallowed every drop.
Cliff meanwhile had flipped off the light switch in the small office adjacent to the locker room. Then he unscrewed the bulb from its fixture, replacing it with a screw in plug adapter. Making sure the modified ends of his extension cord half weren't touching each other, he plugged it into the light fixture. Then he took a ball of string from the desk and cut a long piece.
He tied this to the light switch and threw the other end over the sprinkler system pipe above Mr. Wood and tied this too around his neck. Now if he hanged himself, he would also flip the light switch on, electrify the modified extension cord, and give a truly shocking experience to whoever was on the business end of those tiny alligator clips.
Balls was back. Cliff surveyed the fruits of his errand. He plugged in both the circular saw and the air compressor. With the saw, he cut off the knob of the bat handle. Then he fitted the bat into the chuck of the jackhammer.
"It doesn't quite fit. I'll have to nigger-rig it."
"You'll have to WHAT rig it?" Asked No Balls.
"I'm sorry. You know I've been a red-neck all my life. But since I met you there's not a prejudice boner in my body. I didn't mean anything by that."
"OK, but just remember, after you CLIFF-rig that to the hammer, it'll fuck up a masculine ass just as well as it will a feminine ass." They all laughed. Except Becky.
Inserting the tip of the grease gun into Becky's anus, Cliff addressed Balls.
"All you needed was more lubrication, and MORE POWER!"
"Or maybe some BLACK POWER" opined No Balls, "Do ya think maybe I could run the hammer just this once? I mean, bustin' an ass can't be as hard as bustin' concrete."
Cliff shrugged, and Balls nodded, so she grabbed the jackhammer handles and maneuvering the new 'bit' between the victims' buttocks.
Pushing on the tool, the piston retreated into the machine, ready to thrust forward when the air forced it out. Cliff and Balls each held a shoulder to brace her as No Balls prepared to pull the trigger. Balls also let one hand rest on one of Christine's big black buttocks.
Becky was pulling at the tool belt that held her in place. Her hands behind her back could not muster the leverage needed to pull the belt a little tighter to release the buckle. Cliff's tool belt held her waist so tightly to the bench that she could not even take a full breath..
Suddenly, her world exploded. The nude black woman behind her had pulled the trigger, and the big end of the baseball bat suddenly rammed 8" past her tightly clenched sphincter hole about 100 times. Then it stopped, buried deep in her guts.
"God that hurts" said Christine! Her tits had just bounced to hell and back. "Let's do it again!" She did, pulling the trigger, this time longer. Becky had to escape. She thrashed, THRASHED. Her arms, legs, head, every part of her resisted, and then collapsed when the hammer rested.
"MY TURN!" Exclaimed Balls. Not having a big pair of wobbly boobs on his chest to get in the way, he was able to endure the vibrations from the hammer for as long as he wanted. And to Becky, it seemed like forever. He watched, fascinated as a pool of urine formed on the bench between her thighs.
By the time the perverted butt-rape stopped, she was delirious, drifting in and out of consciousness. Her head rolled slowly from side to side, tears running like open faucets from her eyes.
"That was way cool" said Balls. "You wanna try, Boss?"
"Sure, but I've got another hole in mind. I don't really see a family in this bitches future anyway, do you?" He winked at Balls.
"NOOOOOOOO!!" Becky screamed unintelligibly into her gag. They pulled the bat out of her ass, noting that the hole remained wide open for a few moments before it slowly began to shrink in on itself. It would be no surprise if it never did close up completely.
Her world exploded again, this time as her vagina was ripped apart. The bat punched from her outer labia to her cervix and back again. And again. And again. In less than a minute, Becky's fuck-hole had endured more thrusts from a baseball bat than it had ever taken from every penis she had ever encountered.
Cliff stopped for a moment to say to his crew "Watch this. I'm gonna stretch her out a little." He pulled the trigger again. He had been holding it at an angle that allowed the bat to thrust straight into her body, but now he moved it as it thrust, rotating his end, (and therefore her end) in an ever widening circle.
Finally, the angle became too wide, and at the very top of one rotation, the bat slipped from her hole on the withdraw stroke and when it punched forward it caught on the top flesh of her pussy (including her clit) and pounded it into the bench. No balls gasped. "Danm, that musta hurt!"
Cliff pulled the hammer away from her ruined womanhood, but Becky continued to convulsively writhe about on the bench. And she seemed to be having trouble breathing as well. It was Christine who realized what the problem was.
Becky was vomiting into her gag, being forced to swallow the bile; which in turn caused her to vomit again. In an act of mercy, she ripped the gag out of Becky's mouth, allowing her to throw up freely.
Woods still climbed, tears running down his cheeks from having witnessed the debasement of his beautiful wife.
"Shit, it's past 10:00. We gotta get outta here!" exclaimed Cliff. "Anybody have one more fantasy before we go?"
"As a matter of fact," said No Balls, "I'd like to whip a white guy. I mean, my ancestors were SLAVES, and sometimes I have nightmares about being OWNED by a white guy who WHIPS ME. I know I just couldn't stand that, and I have to get even by WHIPPING A HONKEY!
"OK" said Cliff. "Use his belt, it's in that locker. How about you Balls?"
"Well, yes, I do have an unfulfilled fantasy. But I'm too embarrassed to share it with you."
What do you mean, too embarrassed? We just raped the piss out of this gym teacher together. What do you think you can't share?"
"Well," said Chris. "I've never done it with a mumble, mumble." His face turned bright red and his eyes cast downward.
"You've never done it with a WHAT?"
"A BLACK GIRL! OK? I've never done it with a Black girl. From behind. Standing up. While she's whipping a white guy."
"Dumb red-neck. It's your lucky day. Come on." No balls began to lead Christopher away, and then turned back to Cliff. "What about you, Boss. Got any last minute games to play?"
"Yeah, I've still got a few more lessons for our favorite teacher. You kids have fun now." He lit another cigar and went to work, glancing back from time to time to see Balls fucking the daylights out of No Balls, while she whipped Woods on the ass and back as hard as she could, shouting racial slurs at him while he continued to climb.
He pulled apart the cheeks of Becky's ass once again, gently this time, so as not to wake her. He notes that the hole had collapsed to about the size of his cigar. "Here, hold this for me." He said, more for his own amusement than for any response from her. Then he pushed the unlit end a couple of inches into her butt. She hardly felt it, for now.
Cliff removed the tool belt. To hold her in place, he used up the rest of the big roll of duct tape. From her ankles to the tops of her thighs, from the small to the middle of her back, from her upper torso to her neck, Gray tape fastened her to the locker room bench.
He had pulled her boobs to the sides so that rather than resting on the bench, they hung below it. They looked especially big now, with gravity in their favor. He reached down for the extension cord and clipped the alligator clamps onto her dangling nipples. She inhaled sharply, but didn't seem to wake up.
"Oh yeah! I'm comMINGGG!" Screamed No Balls as he emptied his balls into her. She had given up on whipping Woods when Balls had pushed her to her knees, and then laid her flat as he stroked into her from behind. While they uncoupled and dressed, Cliff explained to Woods how if he could keep climbing 'till school opened tomorrow, someone would probably rescue them from this embarrassing situation. If not, he would be hanged, and his wife electrocuted.
Either way, the Cliff & Co. Construction Company would deny any involvement in tonights activities, and all three of them would swear to it. "Our word against yours, Woods. If you survive."
Becky was starting to moan again. She felt something hot between her buttocks. "Something's Burning me!" She screamed. Her butt crack was on fire.
"OOOOOOWWWWWW!!" she wailed as a red hot ember fell to her pussy slit. Then suddenly the cigar in her asshole burned its way past her sphincter ring, and begun melting the delicate lining of her intestine. Again, she passed out.
The crew gathered their equipment together to make sure they didn't leave anything behind. They disassembled the "rape hammer" and Cliff decided to take the bat as a souvenir. They wiped their fingerprints off everything, including Mr. & Mrs. Woods. "What about fluid evidence, like semen and piss and maybe hair?" Asked Balls.
"This should rinse everything down the drain," replied Cliff, knocking off the four nearest sprinkler heads with his claw hammer.
As a matter of tradition, Cliff always bought beer for the crew after completing a contract. The only thing different this time was the card game they played at Ball's apartment. Instead of Euchre, they were about to play their first game of strip poker. But first Cliff read aloud from the local paper while Balls tried to find a poker deck.
"BIZARRE DOUBLE HOMICIDE CLOUDS OPENING OF NEW PHYS.ED.COMPLEX."
"Construction crew working outside sees van load of 'hippie types' leaving the scene." Cliff turns the page. "In a related story, the untimely death of Wood's Contracting Co. chief exec. leaves many construction contracts up for re-biding." And in the want ad's "School district seeking new ladies phys.ed. teacher and coach. Must also be well versed in Sex Ed. Equal Opportunity Employer." "Hey No Balls, Why don't you apply?"
Cliff was clearly the better poker player, having lost only his shirt and shoes by the time the others were naked. Christine offered him a blow job as payment for losing the last hand, but Cliff knew by the way the Chris's had been eyeing each other all night that he was the third wheel and that he should leave the two kids alone.
He guzzled his beer, grabbed another for the road, grabbed his shirt and shoes, and was off. The flashing lights in his mirror surprised him so much that he damn near spilled his beer, but managed to hide it under the seat.
"I'll need to see your license and registration sir. Have you been drinking tonight? Not at all, eh? Well I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle." When he opened the door, beer ran out onto the officers' shoes.
As Cliff sat in the back of the patrol car, the cop searched his truck. He set three or four beer cans on the roof, and Cliff knew he could explain that they were just returnables he hadn't redeemed yet. But then the officer pulled a baseball bat from the cab, looked at it closely, and walked back to the car. "Sir, can you explain why the end has been cut off that bat? The reason I'm curious is because we just investigated a crime scene yesterday where the knob end of a baseball bat was found, and if that end matches that bat, you may be in a bit of trouble."
Cliff mumbled something about needing a small round piece of wood to patch a hole in a wall somewhere, but the cop stopped him. "Sir, does any member of your construction crew have long blonde hair. There were a few strands of long blonde hair in your cab."
"I see, a hitchhiker. Does this receipt for a new 50' heavy duty extension cord belong to you? It does?"
"Sir, I don't think you should try to explain anymore until you've consulted with an attorney. By the way, if your new home is where I think it's gonna be, I hope they let you take your grease gun with you. 'Cause I hear they don't treat rapists too well. And you know, they just switched to aluminum bats for the prison softball team.
"You have the right to remain silent. Or you can tell me where to find your accomplices. Then I won't have to zap it outta you with my stun gun on your balls..."